A baby? In this panini?

Welcome to the "So When Are You Having Kids?" newsletter!

Hello and welcome to the “So When Are You Having Kids?” newsletter. Chances are you signed up for this newsletter in December when I announced I was writing a book of the same title. Thank you for signing up and sorry to be hitting your inbox three months later than I said I would be. The plan was to start writing in December and then I suffered a spine injury and spent nine days in the hospital and two-ish months relearning how to walk. But I’m here now and am deeply grateful to be doing this work.

So what is this newsletter? It’s a few things. 1) It’s your place to stay updated on all things book-related. Right now, that’s predominantly calls for interviews. (Yes, I want to feature you in my book!) Later, it will be pre-ordering information and other exciting news. 2) It’s very much its own thing. While it won’t have the same content as the book, it will cover a lot of the same topics. I’m hoping this can become a space for people who often feel excluded from conversations around parenthood. Namely, people who are thinking about parenthood or who aren’t sure they want kids. If you have kids, you are welcome here too and I hope to make this a place where you can share your experiences and learn too.

If you’re wondering about the weird subject line, it’s an ode to both my time in the hospital and the interviews I’ve been doing for the book. On the days I could hold my phone, I would watch TikTok videos. At the time, less so now, there was a running joke where people would call the pandemic every “p” word except “pandemic”: panini, panorama, pandemonium, you get it. The pandemic has also been a popular theme of my interviews. A majority of the people I’ve talked to who aren’t sure they want kids cite the pandemic as the thing that has made them question parenthood most.

For a long time, I pretty much thought my life was wasted if I didn’t have kids. I’m sure this is the pandemic talking, but my wanderlust is out of control right now. I know I would feel immense regret having kids before I do and see all the things I want to do and see. But that’s a long list, and the clock is ticking, as they say. – Jamie, 29, New York City

Of course, that’s not the only reason people aren’t sure they want kids right now. Finances, climate change, racial injustice, and health concerns, are all themes that have come up repeatedly. I hope to talk about these things, and a whole lot more, in future editions of the newsletter. What do you want to read about? Reply to this email and let me know!

Call for Interviews

I am currently looking for people to interview for the book. This will vary week to week based on what chapters I’m working on. Right now, I’m looking to speak to:

  • Black people who have been pregnant or are unsure they want kids due to the maternal mortality rate

  • People who are afraid of giving birth

  • People with a history of disordered eating who are afraid of the bodily changes associated with pregnancy

  • People who had abusive or negligent childhoods

  • People who have a family history of certain disorders or cancers

  • People who financially planned for kids before getting pregnant

I’m also looking to interview the following health care professionals: OBGYNs, MFMs, reproductive endocrinologists, doulas, midwives, and genetic counselors.

If you match any of the above and are interested in being interviewed, send me an email with a little bit about yourself.

If you don’t match the above and are interested in being interviewed, regardless of whether you have kids, don’t have kids, etc., please take this survey. I will be reaching out to people from this list in the coming weeks as well as featuring survey replies in the book. Unfortunately, I don’t have the bandwidth to do phone/video interviews with everyone, which is disappointing because I would interview everyone if I could. Hearing your stories is my favorite part and I’m honored to have the ability to share them.

If you know of someone who would like this newsletter or has a perspective that should be shared in the book, please forward this email or send them my survey. They say it takes a village to raise a child but it also takes a village to write a book, I’m learning.

What I’m Reading

Until next time,